The Cloven Hoof, Issue 108

The Cloven Hoof

Vol. XVI, #3 108th Issue

May/June XIX A.S. Copyright 1984 C.E.by the Church of Satan; P.0. Box 210082 San Francisco, CA 94121; U.S.A.

Entire contents by Anton Szandor La Vey

I know many people who, for kicks, watch the religious hucksters on TV. You know: the 700 Club, PTL, Gene Scott--the whole slimy lot, for whom the Ninth Satanic Statement must surely have been written. And they all have toll-free numbers for you to call and either join their crusade, or complain and add sub- stance to their professed wrath. Unfortunately for those of you outside the U.S. who may be deprived of this rewarding opportunity for free expression - you'll just have to watch from the sidelines. Either way, some tips are in order on how to best enjoy these clowns, drawn from the same techniques employed in the art of good old-fashioned circus clown routines. One of the basics in a successful clown act is the element of baiting. The non-believer--Atheist, Satanist, or whatever, who telephones an evangelist's hotline invariably poses what he or she considers to be a challenging question or remark, thinking it will needle the preacher. If it is deduced, enough people phone in with antagonistic comments, an assumption will be made that all is not well in TVland. Not so. That's precisely what's expected and required to validate preacher's position as an untiring, selfless pitchman for the Lord. A Satanist who starts out watching purely for entertainment, will eventually get angry enough to place an antagonistic call, thinking a blow has been struck in the name of reason. In his emotional state, he does not realize that he has acted precisely in a manner expected of him. He has tuned in to scoff. stayed to laugh, gradually become angered (enough is enough!), and risen to the bait. It is no victory for reason, however slight. If you really want to get to these characters, rather than make their day, respond in a manner impossible to cope with--that which has confounded Christianity ever since its inception: The Enemy Within. Christians (as well as most other major religions) have never been in agreement with each other over exactly what constitutes true Christianity. Each denomination and sect considers itself to be the only authentic vehicle for the Lord. TV evangelists are unaccustomed to receiving calls from people who are worse crackpots than themselves. They have tried to insure that their righteousness knows no bounds--that their denunciations of "evil" cover all bases. If you can't find plenty of cause for concern or complaint, as an even more "concerned Christian" than they, your imagination needs exercise. Take the music, for instance: if it's in a rock mode, however gospel oriented, you must call in and denounce it as "music of the Devil." Most of the young women shown as pray-TV bait, bear all the trappings of a hooker--the height of hypocrisy. When you see one of these brazen-looking women beating the drum for Jesus, call in and denounce such bad taste-- as a "concerned Christian". If a single man on the screen bears any trace of effeminacy, loudly complain that the show is derelict in its purpose by presenting obvious homosexuals in a positive light. If a filmed segment of purported "devil worship" is displayed, protest that just such material was seen by a close friend's son or daughter and instead of serving as a warning, intrigued the poor child to the extent that he or she is now actively worshipping Satan and using drugs and doing all kinds of horrible things. I witnessed a fine opportunity the other evening for evangelist baiting. The channel being viewed was part of a popular pray-TV network. Between segments were commercial breaks pitching good godly wares and services: living bible cassettes, home organs, best-loved hymns on stereo and...a commercial for a local motel. Now, what is a motel commercial doing on a religious channel? Good Christian families don't send their guests to a motel, but take them into their homes. Motels are cesspools of sin, frequented by persons of dubious morals. Why, pray tell, would a local family require the services of a nearby motel, if not for immoral purposes? For a convention? I think not! It's all too obvious, and as the "concerned Christian" that you obviously are, it is your duty to phone the show sponsored by, among others, that motel, and vigorously protest the airing of such bad taste commercials, especially being as how when the commercial came on, you were sitting with your family in the living room listening to your living bible cassettes. idea? You've got to think like a nutty Christian in order to act like one. Inasmuch as righteousness is the name of the game, you must out-righteous the righteous. That's what has held our detractors in check for centuries, and that is what will ultimately destroy them. Providing an enemy from without will never accomplish that of dissidence from within. Chaos and Christianity are synonymous. Let it work for you.

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