The Cloven Hoof, Issue 109

The Cloven Hoof

Vol. XVI,#4 109th Issue

Entire contents by Anton Szandor La Vey

When you become a "whole" person, you become a thing. You become a functioning piece of equipment, completely portable, conveniently programmable. You cease to be dependent upon another person, and dependent only to the State. and its appointed monitors. Whole people think they are independent, emancipated, liberated, free. Here is why you should be a whole person: You will be able to avoid binding personal relationships which lead to emotional unrest. You won't become "involved" with those to whom you might otherwise gravitate. Rather than become drawn into a potentially "unhealthy" lifestyle of another, you will have only whatever sets of options are considered advantageous to you and productive to the system. You will accept these Hobson's choices without question, because all manner of attractive opportunity will be placed before you. It will never even occur to you to deviate from your options because you will have been conditioned to view them as highly desirable. You will earn no more money, but by your singular independence, you will spend more -- not because you want to, but because you will have no choice. As a single person, in a growing society of single people, you will not reap the benefit of "two can live as cheaply as one". Housing costs will see to that. The price of phoney freedom is high; a single room can be rented to an independent person at a proportionately higher price than a house or apartment. Landlords make more on singles. So do automobile manufacturers and dealers. Independent people each need a car, as opposed to halves who depend upon another to. drive them places. TV sets are personal, not shared, because enough attractive options exist in programming to create friction between viewers. Friction between halves is necessary to split them into productive and profitable wholes. It's not so important that everybody has his own thing. Sharing is allowed if within the confines of activity that is either competitive or routinely physical. There can be no sharing of activities which lead to contemplation between two people, lest subversive plots be hatched, i.e., interests or activities beyond the pale of prescribed options. There's no money to be made on unpopular fancies. Emotional bonds between two people are subversive to the State, because each comes first -- not the State. A couple who are productively tied into each other is a dangerous thing. It must be fought against by every means of psychological conditioning possible. "Mama and papa" stores are a thing of the past forced out by conglomerates. Everything possible has been implemented to discourage or eliminate the small businessman, but it wasn't enough. Corporate wealth can only sustain itself so long, without additional revenues from new consumers. Each independent person requires his own things. The communal lifestyle of the sixties is gone. Be your own person. Buy your own things. Spend for freedom.

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How to be Different Dept. In this age of specialization, it's difficult to set oneself apart from the others. As an ice breaker or conversation starter, it helps if you have an occupation that's sure to be different from the rest. Inasmuch as no one wants to be thought of as a bum, and most people have rather important jobs, I think it most Satanic if a person has a unique, albeit obsolete profession. I also consider the fact that no matter what kind of occupation one has, it is offensive to someone. In the interests of non-conformity, I herewith present a list of trades and professions not overcrowded with aspirants. It helps if an attractive business card can be presented, upon introducing oneself, stating the particular specialty. Also, because there will be few, if any co-workers in some of the following, the titles; "president", "chairman of the board", or "head of department" may be added. And it does help to know enough about the profession to be able to discuss it, or provide a small demonstration of your expertise. As of this writing, the following fields are wide open for new talent: Soda Jerk, Town Crier, Bung Starter, Marriage Broker, Moonshiner, Dude Ranch Operator, Train Caller, Flagpole Sitter, Car Hop, Cigarette Girl, Sandwichboard Carrier, Adagio Dancer, Elocutionist, Orator, Mourner, Cork Soaker, Marathon Dancer, Coke Sacker, Mammy Singer, Electric Chair Salesman, Contortionist, Jester, Organ Grinder, Mattress Tester, Olive Pitter, Garter Inspector, French Maid, Taxi Dancer, Dirigible Pilot, Snowshoe Salesman, Usherette, Calliopist, Radio Sound Effects Man, Bell Ringer, Lighthouse Keeper, Coal Stoker, Coon Shouter, Organ Pumper, Laundress, Deep Sea Diver.

RENEWALS If address label reads 7/XIX or 8/XIX, send $10.00 ($15 couples) renewal and label.

¿NOV SHMOZ KAPOP?