The Cloven Hoof, Issue 101

The Cloven Hoof

Vol. XV, #2 101st Issue

Entire contents by Anton Szandor La Vey

One of our recent subscribers to the CH has cancelled his subscription because, as he puts it, he thought he'd get more secret information than to be told he shouldn't eat ice cream with nuts or other things in it. He probably has a point there. Here are some real secret answers to important questions, some of which have nagged at people for years. The questions and answers are written in a manner easy to understand.

Question: "Why is the Mona Liza smiling?" Answer: "Because she knows she's it."

Question: "Why hasn't cancer been cured?" Answer: "It could be, but another equally bad disease has to take its place first."

Question: "Why are Jewish men more intense looking than others?" Answer: "Because they are always looking to make some money."

Question: "Why do Negroes have the 'natural sense of rhythm'?" Answer: "From jumping around in the jungle so much."

Question: "If American presidents are so disliked, who puts them in office?" Answer: "The average WASP voter who makes up the naive masochistic majority."

Question: "Why isn't the Mafia stamped out?" Answer: "Because enough stupid Italians can act like big shots by pretending to be members of it, thus keeping the myth going."

Question: "Why are so many women who are glamor symbols tall and thin?" Answer (there are 2 here): 1. "Because so much money is being made off of weight loss." 2. "The men with all the money who promote them are short, fat, meatball types who are just naturally going for their opposite type."

Question: "Why are computers getting so popular?" Answer: "So certain people can spy on you."

Question and Answer period over.

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The idealized images of male and female glamor have reversed themselves to such an extent that what were once desirable characteristics of one gender now apply to the other. Men are rounded of face and women long and angular, etc. The surprise elements of Mozart operas and films like "Some Like it Hot" are no longer satirical, but the norm. I have recently had female students of my Compleat Witch school of enchantment describe a typical situation: A plumply rounded platinum blond, wearing high heels, fitted suit, seamed nylons, hat, gloves, and bright red lip- stick is ardently pursued by a seemingly typical male. After allowing said male to engage her in conversation and pleasantries, disappointment sets in and ardor suddenly cools. The guy is upset. Seems he thought he was putting the make on another guy (in drag) and is crestfallen to discover that the "he" is really a "she." It has been a long-standing cliché among the jaded that drag queens and TV's are often better looking women than the real thing. This is based upon a deception, usually harmless or entertaining to the viewer, while exhilarating to the perpetrator. The phenomenon I describe, whereby "too female" appearing a woman is thought to be a man in drag generally occurs with males between the ages of twenty-five and forty--those most influenced by unisex imagery. Those who are younger or older seem to assume an actual woman's body is encased in the trappings. For those gals who are playing to the former bracket, a new book is in order. The phony-baloney witchcraft scene of a decade past pronounced that both males and females were "witches." I may write a text called The Female Warlock. Equal time.

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Video games are great fun (I guess--I've never played one.). They're based on the premise of "fight or flight"--you- either destroy or escape. Overemphasis of those principles in a Satanically controlled society is imperative to its survival, because each element (combat or flight) requires involvement. So long as the puppet masters can keep the people obsessed with involvement or participation, things are okay. If the average person just sort of stepped to one side, the bottom would drop out. Yes, androids will only be fully accepted when the populace itself has become less productive androids. The film "Blade Runner" makes some subtle points amidst the carnage portrayed.

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MESSAGES AND ERUDITION: HZZ960, Curses invariably hit where it hurts most and, like it or not, we all have our curses., Those who enjoy liquor most become alcoholics; athletes get back problems; human efficiency machines are replaced by computers; artists get cataracts; watchmakers, arthritis, celebrities, ignonimity; etc. It's to be expected that your abhorance of stupidity would sentence you to care full-time for your feeble-minded sister. RZZ677, ET is the space-age Mickey Mouse. LZZ956, The name Easter comes from the name of the Pagan goddess Eostre, for whom spring festivals were conceived. The egg got its first dye job from the Egyptians about 500 B.C., and up to the present the people of the Ukraine in Southern Russia design elaborate decorations and dye them with many colors, each of which has a special meaning: green for money, red for love, yellow for spirituality, blue for health, white for purity, pink for success. Just like candleshops' designations.... ZZZ784, It's April 11th. You bet your Baphomet I accept gifts! Anything will do: candy, booze, money, small do-dads, large cars, custom-tailored duds (you don't sew, by chance?), etc. Happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me-e-e. Happy Eostre to you.

RENEWALS: If address label reads 3/XVIII or 4/XVIII, send $10 ($15 couples). ¿NOV SHMOZ KAPOP?

The Cloven Hoof, Issue 101

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