The Cloven Hoof, Issue 105
The Cloven Hoof
Vol. XV, #6 105th Issue
November/December XVIII A.S. Copyright 1983 C. E. by the Church of Satan; P.0.Box 210082 San Francisco, CA 94121; U.S.A.
Entire contents by Anton Szandor La Vey
Now that the communal lifestyle of the 60's is out, the institutionalized personality has a tough time finding counterculture environments to which he may give himself. The military has always provided a haven for the conservative or conventionally minded and more than ever appeals to the homeless. Megacorporations hold an appeal for those with technical or business qualifications or abilities. But what of the marginal personality (some would call them "nuts")? Where do they go and what can they join that will engulf them and take over their lives? We receive a sizable portion of mail from those who want their lives controlled. In fact, they demand that we control them and get quite angry if we ignore them. Clearly, this sort of behavior is deviant. Yet there are people out there who naively think that cults are comprised of poor victims of persuasive con artists or messianic monsters--innocent, gullible folks ensnared by those who would exploit lack of sophistication. For the most part, the person who joins a cult wants to relinquish his own personality (if one ever existed) to a collectively institutionalized existence. There is a demand for communal "family" activity (which we refuse to supply). There is an insistence upon constant monitoring (which we refuse to provide). I want no part of such creeps, if for no other reason than they are more trouble than they're worth, and birds like Jim Jones probably earn every cent of those welfare checks for providing a social service. The joiner of an antisocial cult wants a leader who will demand destructive acts of him. Then it will be said by all, that he was simply "following orders." I have never bought the"just following orders" line--whether applied to nations or individuals. People choose their leaders as feedback for what they wish to do themselves. I never blame the leaders, only the people--for if a leader wasn't present to reflect the people's demands, the people would create one who would. There are no despots, only impotent people who collectively find cohesion and energy through what they can conveniently term a leader. That is not a leader; it is an ikon. A true leader is selective, discriminating and wins no popularity contests. Pioneers seldom do, but if enough follow, producing a true "cult," then an ikon can step in to function as a feedback device for what will gain momentum and substance.
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You can't fail if you have a name that is fun to say. It helps if you have talent, but it's not necessary. It might have started with Tab Hunter and Rip Torn but before them, there was judge Learned Hand and violinist Ole Bull Another judge, named Crater, disappeared but no one would have remembered his disappearance had his name not been Crater. The man who made jukeboxes was actually named Rockola. Now the formula has really taken off. The trick is to pick a name with strong word associations, but not a word that has already been associated with a name. It helps if the name and word aren't quite the same, but enough to provoke unconscious or subliminal association with each other. Like jazz artist Earl Thigpen instantly translates to pig pen. In a space age, how could a name like Sissy Spacek have failed? Who could forget Merle Streep, Stacy Keech, Victoria Principal or Sylvester Stallone? A recent film on the life of Verdi stars a guy named Ronald Pickup. And I just heard of a weatherman named Flip Spiceland. Does anyone know (or care) that Englebert Humperdinck was a famous composer before the singer borrowed his name? A surefire winner is to put two famous or familiar names together, like Elvis Costello. Why not Sammy Sinatra or Ringo Jagger? Is Andy Rooney the schizoid offspring of Andy Hardy and Mickey Rooney? I receive much correspondence from people with names like Samantha, Lilith, and Damien. They are normally coupled with an equally contrived surname or else left to stand alone. Inspired, yes. Original, I think not.
Original, I think not. But with a proper last name, producing a Lilith Potts or a Damien Gesuntheit, Voila! Just to show that I want to help some of my readers gain power and success, I herewith provide a list of sure-to-win names, a veritable gift of magi, so to speak, at a time when good will and munificance are in order.
(I will purposely omit consistently successful choices, like Dan Carson for a good guy and Slade Murdock for a bad guy.): Corrine Schnocker, Liz Dictator, Phyllis Underplantz, Marlene Butterbaugh, Cleo Clitterhouse, Torchy Scutt, Jessica Heatter, Flicka Booker, Sandy Tush, Donna Rimple, Jack ie Kellerman, Libby Trapper: Hobart Hockaday, Ramsey "Rip" Krisko, Clancy Titmus, Darby Gris- wold, Adulto Marital, Randy Slocum, Steve Hunkerly, Jess Havadonat, Llewellan Ogg, J. Rupert Scoopiuck, Darcy Lombardi, Hal Strat.
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The Big Year is Nigh. Its premise has been with us for quite a while, but now it is official. At any rate enjoy it--but most of all, understand it. RENEWALS: If address label reads 11/XVIII or 12/XVIII, send $10.00 ($15 cpls.)¿NOV SHMOZ KAPOP?